Little Cartman Things
by CosmicAutumnRebel
Summary: A series of drabbles revolving around none other than Eric Cartman. Various pairings!
1. Titty Prince-KennyxCartman

He stands across from me, not even remotely aware that he's giving me  
a raging stiffie. I mean, all of my life I've liked girls. I sniffed  
cat piss just to see naked chicks, for god's sake. So why is he so  
appealing?  
I know why. It's because he looks like a fucking chick. I'm not even  
attracted to him, but his curvy hips…and his soft ass…and his  
guy-tits…it's complicated.  
I'm a princess. I'm supposed to like strong, masculine, manly lords.  
So why in the name of Jaime Lannister am I going for the Titty Prince?  
I'd talk to someone about it—I really would. But I fear that Sir Stan  
would laugh at me.  
Sitting at my shoulder was Elliot, my favorite of all the rats who  
holed up in my castle. "Can I talk to you?"  
He squeaked his reply, which I took as a 'yes'. "Elliot, I am smitten  
with the Wizard King Cartman, my titty prince. But alas, he is an  
X-box user and I am faithful to Sony."  
Elliot was silent, so I continued. "He is my joy, the most attractve  
soul I have ever laid eyes on. His curves are just so fucking hot."  
Elliot hissed a bit.  
"Fine. You are allowed to disagree with me. But know this—I am not  
going to stop feeling the way I feel just because you are upset."


	2. Fudgesicle

Toddling towards his slightly older cousin, the curly-haired boy  
licked his fudgesicle. Elvin had always liked family reunions. He got  
to see his cousin Eric, who was closer to his age than his siblings,  
and his aunt Liane always brought the best food.  
Peering up at Eric, his big brown eyes gleamed. His older cousin was  
so strong and handsome, and Elvin wanted to be just like him. He held  
his arms out to hug Eric, but the remainder of his fudgesicle slipped  
off of the stick.  
"Aw, Elvin, ya dropped yer fudgesicle again! Well, we're gonna have to  
take care of that.."  
The older boy marched into the kitchen, his curly-haired cousin  
trailing him. He opened the freezer and grabbed a fudgesicle from the  
box. Unwrapping it, he handed it to his little cousin. "Here ya go."  
Ecstatic, Elvin wrapped his arms around Eric's waist, recieving a kiss  
on the forehead in return.


	3. Sweet as Sugar-ScottxCartman

"Scott! Hurry your bony ass up with that cake!"  
Scott groaned and rolled his eyes. Ever since his parents had died of  
the plague, he'd been living with Queen Liane, and her daughter, his  
half sister Princess Eric.  
Scott slouched as he walked in, tired of Eric's whining. Approaching  
her throne, he squinted at her. She was so cute…but so annoying!  
"It's about time, ya lazy fuck!"  
Frustrated, and certainly without thinking, Scott thrust the cake into  
Eric's face. She first stared in shock, then slowly got angry.  
Pouncing up, the princess ran her long, pink fingernails down Eric's  
neck. "You shithead! Why'd you fucking do that?"  
Grinning, Scott ran his finger along the wound nd licke the blood off  
his fingertip. "Eww!"  
"Shut up, Eric…" Scott muttered as he leaned in, mouth open.  
Scott licked her face.  
"What the hell are you doing? SCOTT!"  
He continued, running his tongue over her round cheeks. "You're  
delicious…" he grinned, pinching her stomach.  
"Hey!"  
Scott chuckled as he plunged his tongue between her pinkened lips.


	4. Sunbathing-KennyxCartman

Cartman lies on his back, naked. He  
spreads apart his thick thighs, stretching out his arms. His swollen,  
girly little nipples harden in the breeze, in need of someone to warm  
them up and make them all soft and squishy again. His small penis  
hardens at the thought as his anus begins to widen slightly. He  
spreads apart his plump asscheeks, pushing in one saliva-moistened  
finger after another until he is completely loose. It feels so fucking  
good as he pulls them in and out that his dick begins dripping precum.  
Kenny walks up to him, bends down, and begins to lick his cock.  
Looking down, Cartman can't do anything—it's amazing but he  
doesn't know what to say! He just moans in response, bucking his hips  
up at Kenny. Kenny grabs onto his love handles, giving him the best  
blowjob ever.


End file.
